Wednesday, June 7

I Have A Voice, I Will Be Heard


“You’re so quiet”

 “You’re so shy!”

 “Can you just say something?”

 “Is something wrong?Are you alright?”


I heard these countless times. While you may think being called shy or quiet is a good thing. Perhaps even a compliment. To me it was as if someone was telling me how ugly I am, how fat I am. You’re so quiet. You’re so shy. These words followed me for years. Even today I sometimes still get told how quiet I am. The only difference is that I know that it’s okay.

Some people are sporty. Some are dramatic and some are chatty. I am quiet. But I am not just quiet. There is so much more to me than the amount of words I utter. I remember once when I was about 12. It was a new school which meant new people. I remember my friend and I talking with these new girls. I was happy. I didn’t realise at the time, that I wasn’t saying anything. It was normal for me not to say anything, as normal as breathing air. My friend turned to me, exasperated, and said “Can you just talk? Say something, anything”. I was stunned. I wracked my brain for things to say. Literally nothing came to mind. I probably spent 20 or 30 minutes sitting in silence, concentrating on something to say. As time itched on, I was getting more paranoid that I still hadn’t any input in the conversation. I felt sick and embarrassed. Until finally I asked, “What’s for Irish homework?”. I have no idea if anyone replied because I was so relieved that I actually said an entire sentence.

I wasn’t a mute. It’s not like I never talked to anyone. I had friends and family and chatted happily to them when I had stuff to say. But being told that I was shy, hurt my confidence so much. Like hello? Why would you tell a shy person that they’re shy? That’s like having a humongous spot on my nose and someone coming up to me to inform me that I have a spot, right there, on my nose. Well, blimey, how could I get through life without ever knowing? Gosh thanks, you’re my hero.


Through blogging I’ve found a form of communication I enjoy. You see, I do have a voice and I do have a lot to say. Just because I don’t stand on my soapbox and shout to everyone who passes does not mean my opinion is any less valid. I am okay with being quiet now because I know it really doesn’t mean anything. In fact I’ll take it as a compliment next time someone says it to me.

I've come along way since my 12 year old self. People are surprised when I tell them how very anti-social I am and how hard it can be to keep a conversation going sometimes. I'm much more comfortable in my self now. In fact I can be very chatty depending on the topic. I know a couple of people my own age who are even quieter than me at 12 years old. And that's totally okay. But it does not mean their voices won't be heard. When they are ready they will speak their mind, until then don't exclude them for being quiet.


I am a girl. I am human. I am a blogger, a feminist, a reader, a baker, computer scientist. And yes, I am quiet.

I am Marian.

16 comments:

  1. Aww I'm sorry your friend made you feel self-conscious for being quiet! She probably didn't realize the harm her comment did, though that definitely doesn't excuse it. It's totally okay to be quiet! I am the same way in new situations with new people. For me, it takes me a little while, but when I finally feel comfortable I'll be less quiet.
    And I definitely agree that being quiet does not define a whole person... sometimes other people tend to forget that quiet people still want to be included, and even if they aren't talking non-stop, they're still there with their own feelings and thoughts. Anyway, props to you for embracing your quiet nature; You are so much more than just your quietness! Hope everything is going well with you :)
    xJuly

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    1. Thanks July! I think everyone acts quiet at times, especially in new and uncomfortable situations like meeting new people. It's great when people understand that we aren't being rude, just being ourselves. Hope you are keeping well too! ^_^ Thanks for stopping by <3

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  2. Good for you, M!

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with speaking only when you have something to say. Some people talk so much that it's like loud noise.
    As you said, you get all kinds of people- and quiet is in the mix.

    From blogging, I would never have thought you to be shy! I'm so glad you found a space where you enjoy sharing your thoughts!

    Steph

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    1. Thank you Steph!
      Exactly XD everyone is their own individual, it's what makes the world so diverse.

      Really? I guess blogging only shows the side to me of when I have stuff to say. And blogging is definitely a great environment for vocalising opinions especially when you're shy/quiet. there's not as much pressure and hiding behind a laptop screen helps XD

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  3. I'm quiet as well so I really understand the struggle you had when you were 12. Hopefully, I will become more comfortable in myself as well :/

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    1. I know how being quiet can make you feel self conscious but from what I've learned it really doesn't matter how chatty you are but that once you are comfortable in your self then so will others be comfortable with you, no matter how often you talk. I hope this post helped you, and I promise you, you're not the only one! <3

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  4. I feel this so deeply. What a beautiful post!

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    1. Thank you Serena. I'm so glad my post felt relatable. And I appreciate your tweet so much! Thank you!

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  5. Oh my god I resonate with this post so much. It would irritate me so much when people would be like "you're so quiet" like I'm not being quiet on purpose, it just felt like they were better at keeping conversations going so I'd let them get on with it like. Now it's a completely different story and you can't get me to be quiet a lot of the time, but if I go quiet and someone points it out it makes me feel grim. Genuinely - I know I'm being quiet, and there's either a reason for that (like I'm uncomfortable), or I genuinely cba to add any input. I was with a friend, and she got called quiet and she was like "that really badly affects me" and I completely get it. People who have always been super confident won't ever face or understand that problem, and that's super weird considering it means so much to so many of us.

    Amy;
    Little Moon Elephant

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    1. You? Quiet? I find that so hard to believe XD and not in a bad way. You're just so friendly. It really gets to me when people point it out though. Fair enough if we're good friends and they're asking out of concern but I hate when it's directed like an insult. Or even said with pity, like being shy needs their pity to help me cope. I completely get what your friend said too. Confident people need to be more considerate an understand it's not a disease that needs diagnosing.
      Thanks for stopping by Amy ^_^

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  6. When I was 12 I was like you, so I can understand what you describe, but I have to say that with the years, I'm getting more confident and I don't mind to talk to strangers (but depends on the situation!) and I also I'm very talkative hahahah but I think that it's not an obligation do this "progress", everyone can have his own personality without get the others annoyed!

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    1. Thanks Cilia! That's very true. I think we all grown in time to be more comfortable in ourselves.

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  7. PAL I LOVE THIS! I'm waving a big foam finger right now shouting "GO MARIAN!"

    Seriously. Especially since, when you analyse what people say, a lot of it is utter rubbish anyway! Maybe it's a good thing not to pour all the tripe that comes into your head out your mouth!

    I loved this post. I'm so glad you have got such a clear view about this.

    <333333333333

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    1. THANKS EMILY!! *does very impressive cartwheel*

      Haha, yeah. As they say, if you don't have anything nice to say it's best say nothing at all.

      Thank you! It's something I've always had in the back of mind but just never talked about.

      <333333333333

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  8. I believe you... I think blogging is giving me the voice I thought I never heard. Love your post☺☺☺

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    1. That is fantastic! Thank you Zoe! ^_^

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I solemnly swear to reply every time ^_^